Rock Bottom

Lauren and I went on the Party Bus on Friday. Basically, a bunch of Livermore interns drinking on a bus while going to a pub crawl in the city. It was awesome. The low part of the evening for me was when the fat chick stomped on my foot while doing some weird fat-chick-stomping dance type thing. She was wearing stilettoes, so you know it hurt like hell. She came down on my foot just above the heel portion and next to the Achilles tendon. The bruise is only now beginning to show, and it still hurts a lot. When she did it, I shoved her away hard and she just kept on doing the fat-chick-stomping dance. Fat uncoordinated drunk bitch. Anyway. We had met up with Monica and she road back with us on the bus. While on the bus, some guy was making comments about beating up Hunter. He's in the photo standing behind Lauren. He moved forward to do it, and I stood up out of my seat to stand in his way. Lauren was sitting next to Hunter and there was no way I was going to let some guy start a fight and let Lauren get caught in the middle. So I told him to sit down, and he blabbered on, and I said that I wasn't going to let him go up there to fight while my friend was sitting next to him to get caught in the middle. The guy sat down and just looked at me like I had three heads. Someone said that I was just making things worse, and I said, "Why? I can take him any day of the week. He is not going to go up and endanger my friend." I told the guy, "Look, I don't care about Hunter, he can take care of himself, but my friend is not going to get caught in the middle. As long as she's with him, leave him alone." He said he was going to take Hunter in the parking lot. So when we got there the guyrushed forward to get off close to Hunter. He started mouthing off, and Lauren hung on Hunter. I rushed over, and the guy was about to throw, so I grabbed Lauren and pulled her away and we and Monica went over to Andrew's car. He then drove us home. Hunter took care of himself. He pinned the guy on the ground, and the guy's friend lifted him off. Hunter then turned around to face him and the guy just said he didn't want to fight him. So the guy ended up beaten pretty badly from falling to the ground and having his head rubbing the concrete, and Hunter just had a torn shirt. And I took care of my friend. I was happy. Here are some other photos of our fun night.

Lauren & Hunter












Me, Hunter, Lauren, & Curly








Me, Lauren, & Curly









Constantine & me








Monica








Monica & me









On Saturday and Sunday we went shopping in San Francisco. I bought a pair of the most fabulous shoes I have ever seen. I look ten pounds lighter in them. I had to have them. They were $90! And I bought new bras. I have gained weight and went up a size in bras, but stayed the same size in pants. How awesome is that?! So I am now a full, not barely but FULL, 34C. I am busty! OH, HAPPY DAY!

On Sunday, Lauren and I also had our hair colored. I went back to my natural color only warmer, and Lauren went to a darker chocolate brown. We both look fantastic. I will take pictures, and then repost this blog with them. :)

I realized lately that I have not been coping well with all the crap of this year. First the crap with certain people, and them making an issue of it even in the classroom. Then the assault in October. Then the classes being so boring the whole way through all year. Then Brandy dying. Then Ben leaving. Then Amanda leaving. Then the final split with my classmates and so-called friends. The incident in October brought up the whole abuse from my father thing, so I was reliving that. It all just made me feel like what the hell was life about, and why was it so shitty? I mean, why do so many truly horrible things happen to me that seem like such rare occurrences to other people? The counseling has helped, and I really have been missing it while being here. But anyway. I realized I was slipping back into the self-destructive mode and is was just getting worse. After all the bad things and Brandy being taken from me, I just wondered why bother with all this shit. I am made to suffer more than most people ever do, and then I have one of the few good things in my life taken away. It was just too much. During my hair appointment I called Mama. We talked about it and she was relieved to hear I had come to my senses. She had been really worried. We talked yesterday and again today, and I finally told her about what happened in October. She was upset I hadn't told her sooner. But I explained that her reaction wouldn't have helped me, so I didn't tell her. She would have demanded charges being brought against him, and I couldn't deal with that. Especially since I had tried to make myself believe it wasn't what is was, until I couldn't deny it anymore and started going to counseling. I'm glad I finally told her. Basically, I lost my faith with Brandy being taken from me. It was the last straw. So now I pray more, and I try to remember to be grateful for the gifts I have. And then I pray some more. They say when you can't handle anymore, all you can do is pray. I've tried for so long to make things work out, and it's not all up to me. There is God to consider as well as other people. So I'm praying. My friends were worried about me, and I thank them for that. It was all up to me, though, because I was too angry and too desperately miserable. Anyway, I am doing better now. I'm not okay yet, but I will be.

Oh, I find that I really like Ultimate Frisbee. It was so much fun! I can't really catch, but I can throw pretty well, and I'm pretty good about unnerving people on defense. Hehe. Shelley can be aggressive. Oh, and people think I'm pretty outspoken. Odd, huh? I want to stay that way.