Vacation was MAD FUN

So vacation was awesome! Let me break it down by day:

Day 1 (June 30):
We left Livermore a bit later than desired, but not too late. I had to work late and we had to stop by Walmart for last minute items. Damn those Walmart people and their lack of communication with each other. I couldn't get my contacts, so I had to go on vacation with only my glasses. Sucky. Anyway. Monica (Annie's officemate) was waiting for us at the apartment when we got there, and Ying (Annie's boyfriend) arrived a little bit after that, so we were on our way. Traffic was okay, but goodness Hwy 5 STINKS! There were 5 spots on that long ass highway that stunk so bad I actually gagged. I had to hold my nose to keep from puking. I was not a happy Shelley at that point. A couple of places just smelled like sulfur, which, while unpleasant wasn't the worst. The worst spot was the 20 miles of smelling the cattle slaughterhouse. That was where I almost lost it. I really think that I can't eat beef anymore. That was just too awful. *stomach flop* We got stuck in traffic on the 5, I forget where we were exactly, but they closed down 5 of the 6 lanes of traffic. Now how stupid is that? It took one hour to go two miles. We then spent another hour to go another mile. We had 5 more miles to go until it went down finally to one lane, so we got off that and checked the map for an alternate route. We finally found a path that would get us around and back on track. It took us 15 minutes to get around it, and then we just sped along to the end. After all that, we finally got to Zach's place in Irvine where we were spending the night. He's Annie's friend from undergrad, and an all-around awesome guy. We did have trouble in the parking lot. We got lost. HAHA! We made it all the way from Livermore, through pockets of odiferous Hells, through horrific traffic, passing through uncharted ghettos around a traffic jam, only to get lost in a one acre apartment complex. Zach had to come find us, three times! We finally settled in at 3 am.

Day 2 (July 1):
Annie's Birthday!
I awoke, not so refreshed from yet another night of nightmares, and found everyone waking slowly. We shuffled out and wandered over to Newport Beach. We had breakfast, and walked along the boardwalk. While Zach and Ying figured out how to get back onto the highway, Annie, Lauren and I shopped. I remembered just that morning that I had forgotten my bathing suit, and Annie came out of the store to tell me they had bathing suits on sale. So in I go to take a gander. I scanned the walls of suits, and saw it. It was the prettiest bikini I had ever seen. I went over to it, and it was gorgeous! And expensive. But I had to, HAD TO, try it on. It fit perfectly, like it was made just for me. The pattern has Star Gazer Lilies on it, which is my absolute favorite flower. I had to have it. So I grabbed the bottom, the top, and the cover-up, and marched my butt over to the register to pay. I spent around $130 on the ensemble, and it's the best deal for swimming attire that I've ever had. I LOVE IT! The whole transaction, from sight to credit card receipt signing took maybe 15 minutes. That must be a record. Then we went to Venice Beach. We saw this wrinkled 70 year old working out at Muscle Beach. It wasn't until later in the day the some younger hot guys showed up to work out. We also saw a guy in a very short speedo. In fact, he looked naked until you looked at him from the front. Shocking. We changed into our bikini's and laid out on the beach. Monica's and my shoulders were burned. We had sun from sitting in the car driving down on Friday, and then out on the beach. Our light skin objected in the only way it knows how. Ouch. At least it wasn't too bad. And now my legs don't glow in the day, just in the dark. Woo hoo! My arms are a shade lighter than light brown sugar, but my legs are ecru. Ah, well. Then we went gallivanting around LA. We saw the Beverly Hills Hotel. All I could think of was the scene in Beverly Hills Cop where Axel Foley pulled a typical con. "Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There Ain't No Niggers Allowed in There!" Eddie Murphy is the funniest guy ever! Okay, sue me. It wasn't the same hotel. Close enough. Anyway, I digress. We then went in search of the Playboy Mansion. I'm sure all you who know me well realize instantly that this could not possibly have been my idea, and you're right. It was Annie's birthday, so my mouth remained closed. Happy Birthday, Annie. We found a number of houses which we thought it could have been, and so Annie stood up through the sun roof and took pictures as we slowly drove by. We regrouped after a potty break at a dog walking park around the corner, and figured out which one it had to be, and drove by again. It was the one with the barbed wire along the top of the fence. HAHA. I guess they need it to keep out all the perverts looking for naked pubescent boys with implants. Then we went in search of the hotel. We found it and checked in. Ah, shower. It's so nice to be clean. We then dressed up. We had some dinner and came back with wine. Doug, Brian, and Donna arrived and settled in and got ready to go out with us. We took a cab to the club, and waited in line forever. We finally got in and danced all night. Lauren went off dancing with this guy that was okay looking (he later called her). Annie got plastered and kept asking everyone if they were famous. HAHA. So funny. We did meet some members of a band that's popular locally, and a model friend of theirs. When Annie asked her if she was famous she said the well, she was a model. Annie replied, "Why? Because you're beautiful?" Monica and I were hit on by a group of guys, and they were going to buy us drinks, but they took too long and were way too drunk, so we moved over to talk to Annie and Ying. A few minutes later, the bouncer came and looked at them with his flash light. He then grabbed one of the guys who had been hitting on us and slammed his neck down onto the bar. The guy just put up his hands and didn't resist. The bouncer radioed for back up, and they threw the guy out. He had been peeing at the bar!!! Thank God none of us hadn't been anywhere near them at that point. YUCK! We then rounded up everyone and went in search of drunk food. We went to a pizza place and had some amazing pepperoni pizza. There was a drunk Hispanic guy passed out at a table with his carryout order on the table in front of him. The cashier tried to rouse him, but couldn't, so she called the paramedics. They arrived, sirens and lights going, and woke him up. They almost took him away anyway, but he managed to convince them he could get home okay. Annie even got a picture of him. We returned to the hotel room, where zonking out took place. I awoke in the middle of the night, and found a bit of rearranging had been done, and a little snuggling had taken place along with a little kissing. Not by me, of course. *sad sigh* HAHA.

Day 3 (July 2):
Woke up after a night of restless sleep and nightmares. Thankfully the wake-up-screaming variety. Breakfast was had at a nice little diner. We were able to see the Hollywood sign through the trees from there. Then we found a cafe/restaurant that Annie wanted to see where lots of celebrities go to. I don't remember the name. There were lots of ritzy shops so we did some shopping. I got a little something for Mama, which I will mail her tomorrow. Until she gets it, I'm not posting any pictures! ;) Then we split off into groups. Doug, Brian, and Donna, did stuff on their own. Annie, Lauren, Monica, Ying, Zach, and I went off on our own. First we went to check into the other hotel. We checked in and the guy was paranoid about us sneaking people into the room. Of course we were going to but he made it clear he would watch us. So Annie and I go to the room after checking in. There was no thermostat to control the temperature; it had central air controlled by the main office. And the air was off, despite the 98 degrees outside. Annoying, but not a deal breaker. Then I go to the bathroom. The shower was like a prison shower stall, and there was black mold all over the ceiling and on the tops of the walls. That was it. There's no way I could stay in that room even a single night. We talked to the manager who said all the rooms were like that, so we checked out. He also said that he couldn't give me a refund, because Orbitz had processed the reservation and the payment. I'll be calling them and putting up a huge fuss. Then we went back to the Grafton and got another room. The Grafton is a fantastic hotel, and the staff was really friendly and helpful. If I go back to LA, I will stay there again. So off to Groman's theatre we went and walked along the walk of fame. It was really hot, and I got a huge blister on my heel. Shelley was a very cranky tourist. We then went shopping to get some dresses to go a fancy club. I found a gorgeous dress and some sexy shoes. Then we met up with the rest of the group. We went to the SkyBar. I got hit on by several Israeli guys. I knew it was time to find my friends when Simon the Israeli said that we should go back to his place, and that he could make me very happy seven times. Hmm. A promise of multiple orgasms. As nice as that was, I decided it was best to pass. He called me the next day, calling me Sexy and Sweetie. He tried to entice me to meet up with him telling me he had a surprise for me. Hmm... I wonder what he could have waiting for me... And then he gave me the clue that is was 22.... centimeters. When he said 22, I was thinking, "He must not be talking about his penis after all." Then he finished with centimeters and I had to struggle not to laugh at his audacity. I hung up and told everyone what he said, and I just could not stop laughing. I mean really! Giving your penis stats to get a girl to have sex with you is bad enough, but the least he could have done is convert it to inches. HAHA! After doing the exact conversion, I am a bit disappointed at my missed "opportunity". NOT! HAHA! Anyway. Now I know to stay away from Israeli men, and that they aren't really very different than Arab men when it comes to their treatment of women. I must admit a certain satisfaction for my ego at being wanted so much and him seeming to be genuinely awed by my beauty and sex appeal (ha hah! I am attractive!), but there's really nothing worse than being treated like a piece of meat that can be bought or sold on a whim. Anyway. Doug's friend Ryan, a male model who is probably the sexiest man I've ever seen in the flesh, showed up at the party and hung out with us the rest of the night, including at the hotel for a while. We ordered pizza's, and somehow instead of sending the call to the number for the pizza place, I called Brian's phone. He totally pranked me. We went through the entire order, and he asked if I needed red pepper. No. Grated cheese? No. Garlic bread? No. Prophylactics. What? Condoms, do you need any condoms? I look over at the others, totally at a loss as to how to respond the this guy, and I see Donna, Brian, Doug, and Zach, rolling around on the floor and on each other, laughing as if it was killing them. I had been concentrating on the order so hard that I hadn't heard them. HAHA! HAHA! It was soooooooo funny! He totally got me! It was a good night.

Okay. The last two days will have to be on the next blog, because I've worn myself out writing this one. Ta-ta, ya'll!